The average marital age is on the rise in the
Given that marriage itself is under fire as a concept, and a growing number of people are opting to go for a live-in relation, it is not anymore a question of remarriage only. In general, the thrust is on a matured relationship among two adults with a high degree of understanding.
Why Go for a Second Chance
There are a number of reasons as to why a second innings often works better than the first.
- Young and Fickle: Many young people still marry precipitously. These marriages lack important ingredients like respect and understanding, and as a result are quite brittle. When someone who has made a foolish mistake once will look for a second relation, it will not be on the basis of blind charms. This is the late thirty – early forty crowd, and they are older, wiser, though perhaps also sadder and poorer.
- Finance Management: An average divorce costs some thirteen thousand pounds. It is possible to make it cheaper, if one is very organised, and the divorce is with mutual agreement on all the issues. Whatever the logistics may be, people who have gone through a divorce often emerge as better financial managers. The next affair will not see major tussles if the first lesson has been learnt well.
- Greater Understanding: While many people grow more rigid in their views as they grow older, those who come out of an experience like divorce have a greater understanding of human nature. Their experience makes them appreciate others more, and respect the opinions of other people too. After all, love cannot be long-standing without respect.
- Less Absurd Expectations: Those who enter a marriage for the first time, often have unrealistic expectations from it. Married life is not going to be one long candle-lit dinner or an extension of the honeymoon. By the time a person is ready to enter a post-divorce relation, these fairy tales usually get dispersed. They may, or may not want to commit themselves, but either way, they would be better positioned to understand their own minds.
- Instinct and Intellect: Love is not all about gut feelings and animal instincts. Nor should it be approached with the rock-solid logical foundations behind a company presentation. Those who have been through falling in love, falling out of it, and picking up oneself from the dust after that –have seen it all. They can reach a balanced version of love with greater ease than the first-timers.
Why It Helps
Social scientists and counsellors are beginning to advocate post-divorce dating and social interaction for the therapeutic value. It seems that going to parties again, hanging out over the weekends, meeting friends can all have an important impact in healing the divorcee. It gives a great sense of support, and helps to overcome the loneliness and insecurity that set in after a separation. Everyone wants a second chance at life. Dating someone after divorce does not mean that you are being unfaithful to the memory of a love that does not exist anymore any way. This may also mark the beginning of a healthy new chapter and a proper closure to your former life. Besides, it helps people to get over much more effectively than sitting at home and brooding. For those who have children, this is a new lease of life. It is true that our progeny are important and we are responsible for them. But it is also true that we all need some time for ourselves too, and we should not have the kids trailing along each time we step out of home.
What are the Ways
The usual starter for a ‘comeback’ is of course, chatting on the internet. There are blog spots, chat sites, social networks and net clubs for divorcees. There are free databases of people who might want to date, and one can customise the search to a great extent. There are also agencies to take care of everything from chat ids to confetti.
For the bolder individuals, there is also the divorce party – which has the same effect as a bachelor’s party or a coming of age celebration. So, get the designer clothes out – and get going again.
