A TV host asked my wife, ‘have you ever considered divorce?’ She replied: ‘divorce never, murder often.’
Charlton Heston -Independent 21 July 1999
Have YOU been considering divorce? Murder isn’t something we would advise you, however, if the idea of being separated from your spouse permanently has been weighing upon your mind heavily recently, we can offer you a piece of advice about what to do next.
The foremost thing is that you have to be certain that this is the only option left for you. If you have been thinking about it but still can’t make up your mind about it, then may be everything isn’t lost yet. There are many things you can do and steps you can take to try and save your marriage. Have you exhausted them all? Have you given marriage counseling a chance? Just sit down and devote some time thinking and reflecting upon your marriage and the things that are not right with it. Is staying married to your current spouse worth it and what are the changes you can make in your lives that are reasonable and acceptable to you without being much of a strain? Chances are that you will discover that if your spouse was good enough to get married to, it will be rewarding to stay married to him or her. However, if the current situation doesn’t seem much in favor of reconciliation or you have been abused, ill-treated or betrayed in a marriage, try a temporary separation, after which you may still decide to end the marriage. The important point here is not to take such a paramount decision in anger or haste. Let the anger abate and let rational thinking take its place.
Once you have convinced yourself that a divorce is inescapable, a whole lot of changes are going to take pace in your life. It will be easier if you have been married for a short while only, certainly no longer than only a few years, have no children, or agree upon everything and it’s going to be an uncontested divorce. This being an imperfect world, you rarely get all these things in your favor. Divorces are ugly things, especially the contested ones and even if you are satisfied financially, they leave you with a lot of emotional baggage to deal with. But, thanks to the rising divorce rates all over the world, you are definitely not alone and expert divorce services are available to minimize the grief and trauma.
Contested or uncontested divorce, you will need to avail the services of a good family law attorney. You could be put to a great disadvantage if other side is being represented by a lawyer and you are defending your self on your own. All divorce cases are unique in their own right and clearly discuss with your lawyer about what you expect out of these divorce proceedings. Lay out in detail the alimony, child and spousal support and maintenance that you expect and any prenuptial agreement you have had. If there are reasons to believe that your spouse will not be participating amicably in the divorce proceedings, it will be prudent to take certain measures such as obtaining copies and proofs of all financial documents such as tax returns, household bills, loan papers, house deeds and mortgages and account invoices and any other asset or wealth. Moreover, if you have been married for long, then the wealth that you have jointly accumulated will also need to be taken into consideration too. Depending on these your lawyer will help you achieve the best settlement. Other legal aspects need mentioning too. Work out a joint custody plan so that children can benefit from shared parenting. Rectify those things in advance which could be unfavorable to you in the future.
Life isn’t only about money, house and finances. A divorce can break your spirit, whatever were your reasons for getting it. It can do strange things to children. So if you have children involved in this marriage, it’s very important that their parents make them realize that it’s not their fault and that they are still loved. You need to explain to them patiently what changes will this divorce be causing in their lives and the reasons too, if they are mature enough to understand but don’t antagonize them towards their other parent. Talking to them, it works both ways. You also feel cared for and loved, the feelings that divorce rob one of. If you have a supporting and loving family, you can be sure that talking to them like your parents and friends can help a lot psychologically. The feeling of loneliness and helplessness can be thwarted with their encouragement and cooperation. Apart from your close near and dear ones, you may need professional help too, such as a psychologist to get over the roller coaster of emotional rides. If you are not working, start looking for a job whichever may suit you. It will help you financially, keep your mind off tormenting things and provides you with a goal in life, something to look forward to.
