For most married couples, divorce is a dreaded word. It signifies the end of the relationship and the collapse of all their hopes and aspirations from the marriage. A marriage is much more than a mere agreement between two individuals to live in the same house. It represents years of time, effort and emotional investment made by the partners to establish a family.
Why do people divorce? The reasons can be many, including abuse (both emotional and physical), incompatible personalities, extramarital affairs, unfulfilled expectations from marriage, substance abuse by a partner or plain boredom after many years.
Divorce is something not to be taken lightly or in a fit of anger. It changes your life as much as getting married and has deep implications on your near future. Just like a lot of thought and discretion should go into your decision to say “I do” at the altar, so should you think deeply and take all pros and cons into account before saying “I want out of this marriage.”
There are many issues that will be affected by your decision to file for divorce. Things worsen if there are children involved. There are also legal expenses if divorce has to be fought out in the court.
Division of Marital Assets
When you divorce your partner, it entails not only a split in the relationship but a separation of the marital assets too. When you get married, your finances merge with your spouse’s as both of you use each other’s credit cards, pay bills jointly, borrow money from each other, take a joint mortgage to pay for the home, arrange for a loan to purchase a vehicle as well as buy jewellery and expensive electronic items.
When time comes to split up after the marriage has run its course, each of these assets and liabilities has to be untangled from the marital assets and assigned to you or your partner. Many partners manage to come to an amicable agreement about who gets what and who has to bear what liability, but quite a few end up in court to solve their dispute. Bitterly contested divorces are a lawyer’s dream come true and the legal expense may burn a deep hole in your pocket.
Child Custody
Most couples are very attached to their children. It is really heart-wrenching to see them in a tug-of-war between parents for custody in court proceedings. The judge passes the verdict after keeping in view all the factors. Children usually get to stay with the mother, but it is not always the case.
When the mother’s behaviour has been proved to be irresponsible or when she is involved in substance abuse, the children may get to stay with the father. When you file for divorce, keep the possibility in mind that you may not get to live with your children anymore and your contact with them may be restricted to a few hours every week. Many single mothers after divorce slip below poverty level as they do not have much earning capacity.
Living Alone
Immediately after divorce your lifestyle undergoes a drastic change as you become single from a couple. Your partner moves away permanently and all his visits thenceforth are regulated by the law. You lose the comfort that one gets with being intimate with another individual and confiding all your secrets and discussing all your personal problems. After divorce, you are on your own and nobody would call you up on your mobile phone to enquire if you are going to be late for dinner.
Income Issues
When you divorce, the family income becomes half immediately if both of you were earning. The mother has to pick up a job again to take care of children, while the father has a substantial chunk of his income taken away to pay for maintenance. After divorce, both partners witness a dip in their disposable income as they take care of legal expenses and see a separation of martial assets.
Emotional issues
A messy, acrimonious divorce leaves many partners psychologically shattered. They cannot bear the thought that the family that was so central to their existence just some months ago no longer exists and has got broken up. Many harbour feelings of anger and revenge. Some shy away from entering into new relationships. Quite a few develop a guilt complex and blame themselves for the divorce. It is years before one can forget the entire episode and move on with life.
Consequences of divorce are immense and can be life-altering. It is a decision that has to be taken with a cool head and much thought, and only after all ways to preserve the marriage have been exhausted.
