Divorce is a critical life-changing decision. The incidence of divorce in the
Divorce Reasons
Adultery or Extramarital Affairs: The incidence of adultery as the primary divorce factor has been existent since the 1950. Adulterous behaviour accounts for more than 39% of divorces in the UK. The existence of adultery mainly occurs when one of the partners refuses to change and grow with the marriage – the constituent of ego becomes predominant and the partner wants to satisfy his or her selfish needs. Another possibility is the refusal of one spouse to modify marital love in accordance with life changes – one partner has moved on from the first phase of sexual love to the third stage of marital love of friendship. However, the other partner is still stuck in the first phase of sexual love and when this need is not satisfied through marriage, the spouse commits adultery. Perceptions have also changed -- the habit of viewing ‘adultery’ as an exclusive divorce reason used for men has changed. The modern professional woman is also exploring her sexual freedom.
Related to adultery comes the reason of ‘being bored in the marriage.’ The phrase ‘no excitement or fun’ in the marriage basically stems from a refusal to change and develop with the marriage with passage of time. Every marriage changes with life-changing moments, decisions and attitudes. The birth of children, relocation of residence and career changes indicate that a marital relationship does not follow the plane of a plateau. It does not remain the same and, thus, it is natural for partners to feel bored and stagnant in a marital relationship. They may want excitement, adventure and fun and this yearning usually causes difference of opinion between the partners. Thus, marital spouses gradually drift apart as wants, priorities and needs begin to differ and soon a wide gap is born between them.
Emotional and Physical Factors: The reasons for divorce have become relationship-oriented. These include unreasonable behaviour, desertion and marital discord. Women today are employed. They enjoy financial and economic independence and, thus, expect their partner to help out in household chores. They want their partner to bear equal responsibility of the marriage. They expect their partner to understand the changed situation and adjust. In short, women are no longer docile and dependent on their husbands.
On the other hand, husbands feel betrayed and unable to cope with this changing lifestyle. They want companionship and sexual love, which is denied due to the ambitious career-orientation of women. This difference in expectation and attitude often leads to marital discord and unreasonable behaviour. In other severe cases of marital discord, one partner simply walks out to fulfill her or his personal pursuits, deserting the spouse. When this does not happen, divorce occurs. This is a frequent divorce scenario. Unreasonable behaviour accounts for more than 70% of divorces. It includes:
- Lack of communication
- Lack of attention
- Workholism
- Physical/ emotional and mental abuse due to substance abuse
- Midlife crisis
In 2005, physical and emotional abuse was a divorce reason in 12% of divorce cases. Physical and emotional abuse usually occurs due to a lack of communication and attention. Couples do not have the time or the energy to spend time together conversing at different wavelengths. In short, they fail to understand each other resulting in frequent arguments. Family strains also lead to the breakdown of the marriage. Usually, family strains tend to involve the families of the female partner as compared to the male spouse. Family strains could result in physical and emotional abuse and eventually lead to a deterioration of the marriage.
Midlife crisis is being cited as another popular divorce reason. In 2004, 13% of British marriages ended in divorce courts due to midlife crisis. Midlife crisis occurs in equal proportions across men and women past 40. It occurs mainly when there is a lack of communication and attention. Couples fail to talk about their feelings, goals and perceptions. Coupled with midlife crisis is the factor of workholism or working too much. Couples often drift apart when they fail to spend time with each other. Personal career ambitions often gain importance over marital needs.
Divorce is a multi-dimensional concept with far-reaching effects. Divorce becomes bitter when children are involved. It is a painful experience for these innocent divorce victims who get pushed and battered in parents’ argument. When a parent engages in extramarital affair or emotional/ physical abusive behaviour – the child is an unintentional victim. Thus, it is recommended to always seek professional help before applying for divorce. Divorce should be the last option and not the first.
