A number of people are under a misconception that all divorces are of similar nature. By analyzing various cases, it is known that there are various types of divorce and each one varies based on its psychological and emotional intensity.
Types of Divorce
Bilateral agreement divorce is a kind where both partners are not content with their lives together and decide to part ways. In this kind the pain undergone by both spouses is comparatively lesser because the affair is settled amicably with minimum emotional turmoil. Some of these couples even stay friends after their divorce.
The other category is known as the unilateral divorce where the decision of separation solely rests on one of the partners. Hence, the other partner is subjected to shock. This type of divorce is based on greater intensity of psychological and emotional turmoil. The partner who remains unaware of the decision of divorce until it is brought to surface by his/her spouse, is affected to a great extent because his/her life changes overnight.
Problems Faced by the Faithful Spouse
The spouse who has chosen to end the relationship has had a chance to analyze the problems, reflect upon them, explore various options and emotionally prepare themselves for the separation. In contrast to this the other spouse, who is shocked by these sudden turn of events, might feel abandoned. This creates an imbalance in the situation because one among them is in complete control of all the aspects of the divorce where as the other might be forced to stick to the decision taken by their spouse, irrespective of the fact that they might be ready for a compromise in order to save their marriage.
In few cases, apart from having to go through the pain caused by the decision of divorce, the faithful spouse might also have to endure the blame that they were solely responsible for the way the marriage has turned out to be. The unfaithful spouse might make it appear as though they suffered a lot through the years of marriage. Very often adverse comments like “I was forced to marry you”, “I’ve never got the love that I wanted in all my years”, “These 20 years were hell for me” might have to be tolerated by the faithful spouse. Such comments might be passed in order to justify themselves and make it look as though they are the victims. To add to the misery of the faithful partner, the other spouse might spread a story among friends and relatives on how much they had been tortured. Hence people might start to believe that the faithful spouse deserves a punishment of divorce.
It doesn’t matter who leaves the marriage, whether the husband or the wife, the person who is left behind might have to go through hell while dealing with betrayal. The problem doesn’t end here. In fact, it starts taking unexpected turns as time keeps moving on. As being demonized might instill feelings of dismay and shock, the faithful spouse might start questioning their sanity. They might replay their marriage life as an attempt to spot mistakes on their part.
As a next phase, they might start wondering how it was possible for their spouse to blame them for all that has happened. The fact that their spouse has attempted to defame their character in spite of love, care and trust for so many years, might hurt them tremendously. They might wonder at their spouse’s inability to understand the fact that depicting them in a bad light might affect their relationship with their children. If another person is involved with the unfaithful spouse, it might add to the stress experienced by the one who is being cheated.
Resolution
It is very important for you to realise that these distortions are in no way results of your actions. If you understand that these negative behaviours might be your spouse’s method of dealing with his/her guilt, it might do a lot of good to your mental well being.
Try to spend more time with people who really understand your feelings and emotions. People, who actually are aware of the entire truth about your marital life, could be the ones who could render you a great support. Irrespective of the distortions you’re being fed with, your children would acquire in depth knowledge of what is true. This would automatically strengthen your relationship with your children.
All you have to do is to believe in your strength and move on in life. Your life will blossom as you keep moving on from one spring to another.
