Recent studies reveal that
But are women really unhappy with their single again status?
Research shows that most women, whether they are the instigators of the divorce or not, are happier than the men, once they’ve settled into their new lives. This is because women usually try their best to mend their marriage before they give up. After all, they, rather than most men, want to be married in the first place.
Shattered Ideals?
People are brought up to believe that marriage is for life, and especially for a woman, a husband and children are the centre of her life. Curiously, even today, when a woman’s career has become important to her, a failed relationship can be the source of feelings of depression, anxiety, helplessness, anger and alienation. And when it comes to men, these feelings are much more common. Although a majority of them do not see marriage as the be-all and the end-all, they become emotionally scarred when their ego takes a beating. How can they face the world again when they have failed as husbands? Not to forget, that since they are the ones today that suffer most financially with the law favouring women, this makes for deep resentment.
Dating Again
Many people in their 30s and 40s say that they don’t have the energy to go through the dating game again. But often, they have the inclination. In fact, it should be remembered that if you can get someone to want to marry you, you can do it again. A second marriage is usually more successful than the first, because by then the person has learnt from his or her mistakes, and knows what works and what doesn’t. Besides, a new relationship can help the divorced person regain confidence, if that has been lost because of divorce.
Before you begin dating again, ask yourself whether you tend to choose the wrong partner. Studies show that an uncomfortably large number of people make the wrong choices. Love can be blind and often we fail to see the negative qualities of a lover, and thus ignore potential conflicts.
A word of caution here: avoid relationships that require you to give up your dreams and goals. Compromise in relationships is necessary but not to the extent that we lead unfulfilled lives.
However, the sad truth is that most of us fear loneliness and solitude, and would rather be in the wrong relationship, than alone, and this is the root of the problem.
Love your Own Company
There is no need for you to become a recluse, but there is a need to learn how to enjoy your own company. Have you ever met people who don’t understand the meaning of boredom? If you have, they are likely to spend a lot of time on their own. They are the ones that have some great passion in life – it could be art, music, writing, or gardening. Find out what excites you and spend some time making the most of it.
Stop Blaming Yourself and Your Ex
It is easy to mentally flagellate yourself for not being able to keep your marriage together, and even easier to blame your ex for your misery. The universal laws of Karma state that we marry only those with whom we are deeply connected. Perhaps, we owe something to our partner, or we need to learn something from the relationship. And only after we have learned this lesson are we able to truly move on and grow. Therefore, we can perceive divorce as a means to our spiritual growth. In such a worldview, a spouse, no matter how tiresome, becomes a teacher, a soul mate.
Seeking Help and Doing it on Your Own
If there is no way to do it on your own, don’t be ashamed to seek professional help. Your local GP could give you useful leads in this regard. Join a yoga class. Learn meditation. Spend some time on your hobbies; spend more quality time with your children. Go for a stroll in the park and let nature work its magic. Hug a tree. If you haven’t been working, or working only part time, get back into the job market if you need to. Get yourself a tried and tested stress-buster – a pet. Go out more. Join a club. And most of all, give yourself at least a year to get over it.
There’s always help at hand if there is no way you can do it on your own. Your local GP could give you useful leads, and soon you’ll get back on track, a stronger and wiser person.
