Ever wondered, why people carry on with bad marriages? What makes two spouses stick to each other? What may be the possible reasons on the part of a spouse, to not to give up? Individuals tend to differ in their basic needs and expectations. Various excuses may be put forward for bearing with a bad marriage. Sometimes it may be due to a sense of insecurity. No matter what may be the ground reality, people many a time like to believe that their marriage provides them with a sense of emotional security, which in reality may be an excuse for getting habitual or a lack of initiative. Often it is owing to a lack of financial independence. Sometimes it may be because of sex. However, in a majority of the cases, people cite their family as being the sole reason for carrying on with a rotten relationship. Nothing wrong with it! After all, a family is still considered to be the most conducive environment for bringing up children. If an individual is carrying on with his/her marriage, for the sake of his/her family and children, he/she deserves all our support and understanding, provided that his/her decision is based on reason and logic, rather than on fear, dependence and a sense of helplessness.
Should you carry on with a bad marriage for the sake of your family? Certainly yes, if the reasons behind the discord in your marital life are trivial and amendable. Sometimes marriages suffer due to minor reasons such as individual pride, lack of communication or faulty communication and unrealistic expectations on the part of either or both the spouses. In such a scenario, it is certainly worth the effort to continue with the relationship, till the dark clouds dispel. It is a known fact that the married people enjoy a better life in all the spheres, be it emotional, physical or financial. Besides, the research has shown that the children from broken marriages tend to have emotional and psychological problems in the long run. Your family and your children certainly deserve a chance. If you know that your spouse is inherently a responsible, cooperative and flexible person, irrespective all the differences between you two, you are no doubt doing the right thing by holding on to him/her. Often people harbor certain romantic notions about love and marriage, believing that they deserve to have a life partner who is perfectly compatible with them. The reality is that all the couples tend to have some genuinely irreconcilable differences. To differ is normal. A little shift in attitude and proper counseling can revive your marriage. Try to nurture a feeling of sincere friendship with your spouse and appreciate what he/she is doing for the family. Respect each other and accept each other the way you are. Be forgiving of each other’s minor foibles and learn to ignore the trivialities. Above all, you need to work on yourself. Try to analyse the reasons which cause friction and be realistic in your expectations from your spouse. A positive approach and patience will soon bring your marital life back on the track.
On the contrary, if you are sure that you are carrying on with a relationship that died a long time back and you and your spouse have nothing in common, you have the right to quit. Especially in case of marriages marred by violence, abuse and irresponsibility, staying together may prove to be counterproductive. It is better to leave before it gets too late. There is a strong possibility that your spouse may misuse his/her power and authority over you, to subjugate you to a state of submission, where you may end up loosing your sense of balance and control. Do not carry on for the sake of the children. Such an abusive and immature relationship will no doubt have a negative impact on the children and will expose them to undeserved tension and stress. Get out, while you can. Make a pragmatic assessment of your situation and seek help from friends and well wishers. A divorce may perhaps be the best possible option in the given circumstances. Have the confidence that you will be able to make it on your own and will eventually lead an independent life. Do not allow the feelings of dependency and doubt to be a hindrance. You and your children have the right to be happy and secure.
