Adulterous episodes have been in existence since written history. Almost all societies took a serious view of the issue. Some cultures prescribed stoning to death as a punishment. While some other primeval societies expected the adulterous woman to wear a brass ring around her neck for the rest of her life.
In spite of the existence of such stringent laws, adultery has been a part of mankind and relationships since written history. Though statistics are hard to come by, (due to the secrecy surrounding it,) men commit adultery more than women. And, adulterous people leave many tell tale signs that reveal the existence of their affair, to probing eyes.
Identification of an Extra Marital Affair
One of the easiest ways of identifying an affair is the sudden change in spousal behaviour. Deep down all of us believe in certain concepts of right and wrong. And, our society has ingrained in our culture that adultery is wrong. So while committing adultery, the guilty spouse seeks methods to justify the act. And, the easiest manner is fault finding the spouse.
But, there are some marital partners who lie at the other end of the spectrum. They lavish their marital mate with gifts and extra attention. For, they psychologically try to erase the guilty feeling off their mind with such generous acts of love. Whatever is the attitudinal change, one fact holds good, and that is, adultery changes the behaviour of the guilty spouse.
Other indicative signs are working out late, or working late on the computer at nights. A sudden desire to look good or wear good clothes is matched by rigorous work outs. In short, there are plenty of tell tale signs and spotting them is not difficult for all adulterous adults also indulge in juvenile acts of love.
Dealing with Adultery
Adultery does not break a marriage; it is only a symptom of bad marriage. An adulterous affair is often indicative of problems in marital life. These problems can be identified and worked upon. Usually, these problems relate to in laws, job, financial difficulty or sexual problem.
But, a failed marriage is not always the cause for an extra marital affair. Happily married people also cheat their spouses. When marital life gets boring, (usually after a 7 year period,) people try to bring the zing back into their lives. And later, mid life crisis induces adultery.
Whether to forgive the spouse or not is a decision wholly left to each individual discretion. It is not necessary to solicit the opinion of others or seek their advice. Decisions are always based on whether the spouse has terminated the affair completely. And, also on how old the marriage was. However forgiving and forgetting are quite difficult and it might take about two to four years to rebuild life. One fact to remember is that, the issues of the past should not be raised and it takes plenty of trust, patience and effort to bring life, back to normalcy.
Is Divorce the Answer?
The decision to divorce following the revelation of an adulterous affair is extremely difficult especially if the spouse has cheated the first time. Victimised partners often wonder if the affair was a one time episode and they are ready to forgive if the spouse promises not to cheat again. Whether the spouse would cheat again or not depends upon inherent nature of the person. People who cheat in the initial phase of married life are likely to repeat their offence. Habitual offenders are better divorced.
Adultery is the most commonly used reason to prove the irrevocable breakdown of marriage in the
- Adultery is a sexual act committed with a member of the opposite sex only
- Adultery as a reason for divorce is only applicable to the aggrieved or innocent party.
- The petitioner for divorce should petition within six months of having realised the existence of the affair
- Though the victimised spouse is unhappily tempted to name the co respondent (the other person in the affair) it is not necessary to do so. It might only delay the divorce process.
The adulterous spouse usually agrees for a quick financial settlement and reaching favourable settlements is not difficult at the heat of the moment. This is a peculiar advantage that couples divorcing on this ground benefit from, at times. If people decide not to divorce, then the couple should seek the help of a counsellor to help cope with it.
