So now you've moved throughmost of the divorce. You're still grieving but you can see the light at the endof the tunnel. As they say, ‘every cloud has a silver lining’ and that mightjust be in the form of a new relationship. At some point during or after yourdivorce, you'll probably become interested in the possibility of finding a newpartner.
Divorce forces everyone to re-examine their relationships,not just with former spouses but with other family members and new people whoenter our lives. It also forces us to re-examine ourselves. Whether or not youchoose to enter into another love relationship, make that decision after youhave learned to love yourself and understand your strengths and weaknesses.Many of those who marry again end up in divorce because one or both partnerswere on the rebound from a previous relationship. Any relationship has a betterchance of survival if you enter feeling strong in all areas of your life.
People often get into a new relationship during the painfulending of their marriage or soon after their divorce. How wonderful it feels tobe desired and appreciated, to no longer feel rejected. What a welcome relieffrom empty weekends and lonely nights, from feeling so restless and so single.A spark of life replaces despair and self-doubt. There is even the return ofromance and sex.
The future now has some glimmer of possibility rather thanthe grim blankness of nothing-to-look-forward-to. Your new partner seems justthe opposite of your old partner: attentive, kind, interested. You are havingmore fun than you have had in years. You are re-experiencing a bit ofadolescent energy that you may have thought would never be rekindled. It makesyou smile and you feel your spirit rebounding from the pain of your marriageand divorce. Could it be that your ex and all that went wrong is being X-edout?
New self-confidence, achieved in other areas of life, canform the basis for a new and healthier love relationship. Of course, oldproblems will threaten to resurface and new anxieties often come into play.Will diving into a new relationship wipe out feelings of greater independence?Will moving back into a relationship threaten the hard-won accomplishment ofhaving become the chief decision-maker in my own life?
For some, there is a determination never to give up theindependence that has been attained at such a cost and through such an effort.Can I once again be a partner without losing myself in the process? Thesequestions can only be answered by venturing once again into the challenge of anew relationship. Hopefully, the lessons learned about the value of relationshipand the value of independence will see you through and provide a firmfoundation for a more emotionally and psychologically satisfying partnership.
