Without the requisite levels of awareness on the part of both the spouses, it often becomes too difficult to define or identify abuse in a marriage. In any type of abuse, there always exists a self perpetuating relationship between the victim and the perpetrator. The nature of domestic abuse is such that it leaves the victim without any realistic vantage point, from which he/she can take practical stock of the abusive behaviour to which he/she is being subjected to. People often go on bearing with the situation owing to multiple reasons, and refuse to realize and acknowledge that they are being abused by their partner. Physical abuse is no doubt the most obvious form of abuse, as it is accompanied by bruises and injuries. Yet, victims often define their circumstances in the context of the restricted situation, to which they are often confined to by the abuser. A suffering soul, battered over the years, loses all contact with reality and logic and often accepts its plight as being well deserved and normal. Physical abuse in marriage can be defined in many ways. One way to do it is that, “ any act which tends to impinge over your rights as a human being, by the use of force or violence amounts to physical abuse.” As individuals, all of us enjoy certain rights, which are often the offshoots of the constitutional rights of a person, in almost all the developed countries. Every individual irrespective of its gender or race has the right to feel safe in his/her home, without any fear from the people with whom he/she is living. Every person, as a human being has the right to be treated with respect, with complete freedom to make his/her decisions. One has the right to resist and refuse to accept any inhuman behaviour. if he/she is subjected to it. Every person has a right over his/her body and has the right to say no. if you strongly feel that your partner is depriving you of any of these right, the chances are that you are in an abusive relationship. As per an English survey, the percentage of marriages marred by physical abuse stands at more then seven.
Physical abuse has nothing to do with anger. It in fact stands for the unjustified and unwarranted abuse of power and authority by a person over the other. It is a mode of conflict resolution in which in which one of the spouses tries to exert his/her will over the other by using violence, thereby subjecting him/her to undeserved suffering and pain. Are you a victim of physical abuse? Is your partner subjecting you to the most blatant forms of physical violence such as slapping, choking, punching, kicking, shoving, beating, etc? If yes, believe me, there exists not an iota of the doubt that you are genuinely a victim of domestic violence. However, there exists one trickier question. Are you susceptible or prone to physical abuse by your partner in the near future? Remember that physical abuse never exists in isolation. It is often preceded and sometimes accompanied by emotional and financial abuse. Has your partner been obsessively trying to socially isolate you in the recent times? Does he use foul language with you? Is he lately showing lack of respect and concern for your beliefs, values and opinions and is overcritical of them? Is he depriving you in any way of your financial freedom or is overburdening you with financial responsibilities? The answer to most of these questions in yes means that the things may degenerate into raw physical violence. Assaults are often minor in the beginning like a gentle shove or a forceful grabbing of your arm. However they often become more brutal with time. Even any display of the ability to do harm by punching the walls or kicking the pets, or making vicious threats, do come within the scope of domestic violence.
If you are a victim of physical abuse by your spouse, the first thing to do is, stop blaming yourself. You have done nothing to deserve it. It is something that your spouse is doing and you are not responsible for someone else’s behaviour. Take responsibility for the well being of your children and yourself and try to contact the police or the nearest domestic violence agency. You may approach the court and request to issue an order of protection against your spouse. Seek support from your friends and relatives and try shifting to a safe environment. Once you have taken the appropriate measures to restrain or avoid any further abuse, you may chalk out a plan for the future. The chances are that you may opt for a divorce. Certainly it will destroy your marriage, but, at least you will remain alive.
