Fidelity is more an ideal than a reality. Sociological studies suggest that many spouses turn a blind eye to the rare one-night stand, as long as it does not threaten the stability of the marriage, but the fact is that having an affair (adultery) is the prime cause for divorce in the
If your spouse is cheating on you, it is normal for you to be so obsessed with the affair that you find it difficult to sleep or eat. It is also normal to have lots of questions about the affair. Just ask if you must. If your spouse is willing to answer your questions, no matter how painful the answers might be for you to hear, at least, this will assure you that he or she is willing to be honest, and this can be a big help in your recovery.
Remember, though, that the reasons for infidelity can be quite complex and you may not be able to get clear answers as to why he cheated on you.
How to Tell that Your Spouse is Cheating on You
- You notice that your spouse seems bored with his job, his hobbies, and with life in general.
- Suddenly, your spouse seems attracted to the concept of thrills and danger.
- You notice that the intimacy between you and your partner has decreased and that you almost never have sex.
- Your spouse shows signs of low self-esteem.
- You find it extremely difficult to communicate with your spouse who blocks your efforts.
- If you mention infidelity, your spouse becomes defensive.
- Your spouse is beginning to show you more attention than usual.
- You notice your spouse is putting in longer hours at work.
- Your spouse is paying more attention to his appearance.
- You notice that your spouse is spending more than usual and is not being able to explain the reasons clearly.
- Family events like birthdays and holidays don’t matter to your spouse any more.
- Your spouse has been lying to you about different things.
- Money matters are causing more conflicts between you and your spouse.
- Your mate refuses to be drawn into arguments with you.
- Your spouse suddenly stops going to church with you, or saying his prayers at home.
- You find that your spouse seems distant and secretive.
What You can Do about It
The healing happens in stages, and it takes a long time to re-establish trust between the two of you.
First, ask yourself why your spouse has been cheating on you. Perhaps, your spouse feels his or her marriage lacks intimacy and sexual thrills. Has your partner complained to you before about being taken for granted? What have you done to deserve this? Be ruthless with your answers.
You may decide to be bold and confront your spouse with your suspicions, but this must be done very tactfully. No matter how hurt and angry you may be, don’t say or do anything you cannot take back. Don’t talk to too many people about it. You may confide in a friend, but choose that friend well, or you might suffer a backlash if your spouse finds out.
Don’t try and persuade your spouse to end the affair, for the more you do this, the more your mate will run away from you. You will be perceived as weak and desperate.
Is Divorce the Answer?
Divorce could just prove to be an escape mechanism in such cases. But what you try and escape from, chases you in one form or another. Besides, why go the way most married couples are going? (Adultery, as mentioned before, is the major cause for divorce today.)
All you need to do is learn from this bitter experience and improve your marriage. Change your attitude. Forget about revenge. Be compassionate and forgiving, and try to look and be more pleasing to your partner. If you are overweight, lose some weight; if you dress sloppily at home, spruce up. If, preoccupied with your career and friends, you have stopped spending quality time with your partner; make some time for your marriage. Avoid bringing up the subject of the affair. Let your mate talk about it, and be willing to listen. Once both husband and wife decide to work together to mend their marriage, they become better people. They help each other grow spiritually, and that is the very purpose of life.
