It’s ironic really that a situation that was entered into with all the love and hope in the world can end in such a bitter, messy manner leaving a couple spewing venom and with little love lost. The tender moments and shared dreams disappear in a cloud of animosity and anger. There are divorces and there are divorces. While some can be an amicable parting of two people who no longer share the same vision of a life together, others can become ego battles with one partner wanting to see the other in hell.
It is true when they say there is a thin line between love and hate and when a marriage ends in a bitter divorce this is amply proven. There are so many things that can go wrong in a marriage from trivial misunderstandings to full blown breach of trust. In some cases a couple can just decide that they want to move on but if the breach of trust has been extreme a partner might want to extract his or her pound of flesh and there begins a long drawn drama where dirty linen is washed in public and only the lawyer emerges victor.
A No Win Situation
To prolong an already unhappy situation and turn it into an ugly battle of egos benefits nobody. Inevitably a solicitor will be sitting pretty charging fees by the hour and so the longer the battle the more his fees while the couple involved is left spent, bruised and stuck in a rut.
There are times when a partner has been abusive and unfaithful and then deserves to pay the price but financially. By washing dirty linen in public and airing private grievances it keeps one stuck in a situation instead of moving on and putting it behind us. A bad situation should be overcome as soon as possible and not be allowed to take up more of our lives than it already has. While an offending partner should not get away lightly it shouldn’t turn into an ego battle but instead be about a fair settlement. It can sometimes be like cutting one’s nose to spit one’s face if one decides to go the murky, messy way.
Further, if children are involved, a messy divorce drags them n the middle of things and an already trying time becomes even more difficult. The two people they love and trust the most displaying so much hatred can affect them deeply. Also, when airing dirty linen, facts they should have been protected against stares them in the face and they can be shattered by weaknesses displayed by someone they looked up to. It can indeed be devastating and leave scars that last a life time.
In this scenario there can be no winner but the lawyer who remains unaffected by the bitter emotional drama played out except that his pockets seem to be getting heavier.
Keeping It Clean
While one partner might be willing to compromise if the other partner goes hammer and tongs then there is no option left but to retaliate and a situation that could have ended with both being suitable settled can end up a no brainer.
While it might seem divine retribution to dig up dirt on a soon to be ex-partner it might open up a can of worms no one expected and backfire in a big way. Ego bruises are temporary and we all get hurt and move on, but if one is put through public shame one becomes vengeful and then it is a never ending battle.
If two people, even if they have no love left for each other can sit across a table and communicate and make practical decisions that will benefit both of them, it will help them move on that much sooner. Keeping it clean and amicable can help the healing process so much more and also help if children are involved.
It might help to remember that there had been good moments and concentrate on that at least till partner goes their own way. Also, it would do well for one to remember that it takes two to make things happen and if we begin maligning someone else we must be prepared to hear a few harsh home truths. The end result is a no win situation.
Conclusion
If a couple can come to a mutual understanding about relevant issues and sort things out in as amicable a manner as possible, they will come out winners in a less than ideal situation. The more one gets caught up in anger the less are the chances of truly moving on. To forgive, forget and move on is the best way to attract a second chance at happiness.
