Divorce upsets the normal family routine and life – parents split up – children have to part from one parent – relations and friends could become distant. In short, divorce changes things tilting the family cart upside down.
The consequences could be devastating or trivial in nature depending on the age and personality of the person. In 2004, the Matrimonial and Family Act popularised the concept of ‘Nesting’. Nesting refers to the concept of giving primary importance to the state and future of children. The
Both parents have to bear the financial, emotional and social responsibility of the children. Usually, small children react negatively to parents’ divorcing. According to social psychologists, small children tend to develop a strong dislike for both parents and feel unwanted and unloved. Small children include children falling in the age group 4-11 years. These children tend to harbour negative feelings of hate, anger, pain and blame.
- Small children develop syndromes of ‘acting out’ behaviour of tantrum-throwing and bullying. In short, they become socially aggressive.
- They also develop behaviours of regression including bedwetting, spitting food, drooling and even throwing costly objects to cause financial damage.
- They usually develop abusive behaviours of self-mutilation, beating others with sharp objects and causing bodily harm to others.
- It has been observed that children less than eight years suffer from passive social behaviour of non-communication. In short, they tend to become loners.
On the other hand, adolescents and pre-teens go through a ‘blaming phase’ of behaviour. But this blaming behaviour is always directed at the parent of the opposite gender. Girls tend to identify and sympathise with the female parent and boys identify and idolize the father. This ‘atypical developmental syndrome’ could harm the maturing psyche of the adolescent. This specific developmental syndrome usually leads to generalizations. Girls become socially aggressive towards all men – be it the grandfather, the male teacher or even the car driver. In other words, the behavioural tendencies of adolescents and pre-teens are marked by:
- Schizophrenic and withdrawal behaviour
- Sublimation and projection behaviours leading to anti-social behaviour
- A tendency to turn towards alcohol, adult company of the opposite sex
- Unwanted pregnancies
- Running away from home
- Dropping out of academic endeavours and taking to illegal activities
- Substance abuse and rebellious behaviour
- More prone to develop suicidal behaviour
Children belonging to any age group tend to feel cut off from grandparents and family friends. This usually happens when a new person of the opposite gender enters the parent’s life. Parents tend to live in with boyfriends or girlfriends – get remarried and have new families. In either case, the child suffers -- the kid doesn’t know where to belong and to whom to show loyalty. For the child, both parents are on an equal level of love and loyalty. Remarriage always brings with it adjustment problems. The new spouse has to adjust to the kid and his or her attitude – the kid has to adjust to the new parent and even new grandparents and family friends. If the new parent has children of her own, it is further upsetting and challenging. There is an ongoing tussle in the mind of the child. What happens when the child sees the parent who does not have custody, has a new family? The child slowly begins to lose connection and begins to harbour resentment against both parents. This case of mixed families and step-families is often confusing giving rise to troubled relationships:
- Children with original divorced parents
- Children with original grandparents and family friends
- Children with new parent and step-sisters/ brothers
- Children with new grandparents and family friends
Even grandparents have to face the trauma of being separated from loved grandchildren when the divorcing parent leaves with the kids. Usually, kids grow up without having seen their actual grandparents – it becomes a question of ‘who is who?’ Thus divorce has to be treated with caution. It has the potential to make a person’s future or mar his or her development.
