With the increased acceptance of divorce and separation in the contemporary British society, the divorce has become an institution in itself. A whole network of divorce related services has evolved around this novel institution. Mediation and divorce counseling are two such divorce related services, which have gained popularity in the last few years. They intend to make the cumbersome divorce process less complicated and enable the spouses to forge a successful and amicable divorce. The attitude of people towards these services varies from intense optimism to downright cynicism. Even the sociologists and jurists increasingly tend to support and recommend these services. The real question is,” can mediation and counseling play a constructive role in the divorce proceedings? Are they of any help to the people opting for a divorce?” it is possible to reasonably answer these questions, once we understand what mediation and counseling is all about.
Divorce Counseling
Divorce counseling tends to differ from the marriage counseling in the sense that marriage counseling is aimed at saving a marriage whereas divorce counseling is about ending a marriage. The whole purpose of divorce counseling is to enable the two spouses to come to terms with their hurt feelings and emotions and to help them dissolve their marriages with all dignity and respect, as is expected of any reasonable person. Divorce counseling is especially imperative for the spouses having children, who are often the innocent victims of the conflict between their parents. Divorce counseling makes a divorce less stressful for the children by enabling their parents to resolve their issues in an amicable way and to become imitable role models for their children.
Now days even courts advice the divorcing spouses to opt for counseling. Perhaps the valid reason behind this is that judges and lawyers have expertise only in the legal aspects of divorce. They are not qualified to handle the emotional issues associated with a divorce. A divorce counselor is often a person who has some grounding in the applied psychology. He helps to bring on the surface the suppressed subconscious needs and fears of the two spouses and facilitates their meaningful catharsis. The divorcing spouses are often imbued with a sense of pain and hurt over their lousy marriages. If these emotions are suppressed too much, they may give way to internecine hostility and acrimony, which is often, reflected in the bitterly contested divorce proceedings. Divorce counseling helps the divorcing spouses to handle the intense anger and wrath accompanying a divorce, thereby enabling them to focus on more pertinent issues, rather then punishing and hurting each other for unfulfilled expectations.
Divorce Mediation
Mediation is the process in which the two divorcing spouses try to resolve the issues concerning their divorce such as child custody, child support, visitation, alimony and division of assets with the help of a third person who is often a specialist, without going to the court. A mediator is often a solicitor who specializes in maintaining a neutral attitude and in creating an amicable environment in which the two spouses can discuss their unresolved issues, without being bothered by hurt feelings and flustered emotions. Mediation is a mechanism of conflict resolution which has obvious advantages over litigation. First and foremost, mediation cuts down the cost of a divorce by 30 to 40 percent, thus preventing the wastage of time money and efforts. It is often easier on the two spouses, who get a chance to come to an agreement, without worrying about legal hassles. It helps the two spouses in managing their emotions in a more constructive way. They can discuss the problems and issues concerning their divorce in the privacy of their homes, without going public with their dirty linen.
Mediation is often good for children. Seeing their parents resolving a contentious issue with full equanimity and poise lowers their sense of anxiety and insecurity. It gives both the spouses a sense of control over their lives and helps them arrive at an agreement which is fair and acceptable to both. The mediator often helps the two spouses in compiling the paperwork and renders appropriate legal advice from time to time. Just in case the mediation fails, the two spouses are still left with the option of going to the court open to them.
Summary
Research has shown that mediation and counseling often succeed in producing a mutually acceptable agreement in 50 to 80 percent of cases. The couples opting for mediation and counseling always have a higher level of satisfaction after a divorce as compared to the spouses who resort to an adversarial approach.
