A couple about to divorce usually live in an environment filled with negative emotions. From anger to disappointment, sadness to insecurity, couples experience an entire gamut of feelings. It is true that there is a thin line between love and hatred. When a couple gets divorced, love goes out of the window to be replaced by anger and resentment. Sometimes, the emotion is so strong that the acts that follow can be destructive.
Divorcing in Anger
People marry with a lot of hope and expectations. Unfulfilled expectations and lack of compromise can lead to divorce. The blame game begins with each partner accusing the other. One can be so disillusioned that anger towards a partner can become all consuming. It is very difficult to be objective at times like that and usually it becomes easier to blame a partner.
The end of a marriage can be a shattering experience and anger is a tool some people use to recover from the jolt. There is a need to hurt a spouse just as one is hurting. If a partner has been unfaithful, one might want to get back. People can become quite delusional when they embark on a revenge taking spree. There is a strong need to see the partner fall flat on their face. One feels that if the partner suffers it will help heal wounds.
Divorcing in anger can become an ugly, long drawn battle. Both parties no longer remember the good times and dirty linen is washed in public. It almost becomes a situation of cutting one’s nose to spite one’s face. All that anger is draining and very rarely makes the situation better.
A Long Angry Divorce Battle
The world has been witness to several ugly divorce battles. Both parties want to make sure that the other suffers. What can be an amicable parting of ways becomes a platform to hurl abuse and accusations. The public spectacle only ends up making the situation worse.
A matter that ought to have stayed between the two people becomes public knowledge. The terrible part of angry divorce wars is when children are involved. Very rarely do an angry couple consider what’s best for the children. Custody becomes more about being one up on the other rather than the best solution.
When a couple has decided to separate, anger prevents them from moving on. A long bitter battle can often leave one devastated. To have to bear the brunt of so much anger and breach of trust can be emotionally traumatic.
Adversarial divorces have brought out the cruelest streaks in people. They don’t mind that their lives are on hold just so they can harass their ex-partner. Humiliating the other by revealing intimate details seems to give them some sense of satisfaction. Sometimes, the situation becomes so bad that false stories are spread to malign the partner. The divorce procedure becomes a never ending saga.
The Perils of Adversarial Divorce
The only people who benefit from an adversarial divorce are lawyers. The longer the proceedings are stretched, the more they gain monetarily. While anger might seem like a great weapon, in the long run it is self defeating. To get caught in a web of revenge just makes it harder to start life anew and move on. In fact an unpleasant divorce can take more out of you than a bad marriage. Even if a partner has been at fault, it is better to move on. By remaining angry, you are allowing an unfaithful partner to still have a hold over you.
Many people who have taken the path of revenge have never been able to get over the anger and have led miserable lives. In fact people have needed to seek counselling because anger has spilled into every aspect of their lives.
Children who have been witness to adversarial divorce have been deeply scarred. To see the two people who they love the most warring can be devastating. When dirty linen is washed in public, the children are not spared.
Another peril of adversarial divorce is that just as we hurl accusations, a lot of home truths could come our way too. Even in the worst cases where partners have been abusive, it is far better to sever ties quickly and move on.
Conclusion
No person who has your interest at heart will encourage you to make a divorce into an ugly spectacle. It must be remembered that you will lose as much as the partner you want to hurt. Only lawyers have anything to gain from a lengthy divorce battle. In fact, the best way to get back at an unfaithful partner is to make a great new life for your self.
