Marital separation might not be the only answer to all unhappiness in marriage. Researches conducted in different nations have proved one thing in common. If the marital life is not rocked with abuse, couples can try making it work.
More than 80% of unhappily married couples report that they are happy after five years of effort. Some marriages are characterised by violence and drug and alcohol addiction (beyond redemption). Such marriages are best terminated. They are not worth a try either.
Reconciliation
Reconciliation is the best possible option for couples if:
- Their marital period was long
- They did not have a high-conflict marriage
- Children are closely attached to both the parents
- The marriage could be saved by counselling
- Their period of separation has made them realise that their marriage can be salvaged.
An attempt at reconciliation should be made if couples feel that either of the above mentioned reasons is applicable to them.
Couples often cite the detachment of the emotional bond caused by incessant fights as the reason for separation. Fighting couples indicate deep emotional dependence. Before they make an attempt at reconciliation, both the partners should attend counselling sessions to gain emotional independence.
Attempts at reconciliation are most successful if couples:
- Identify the problem areas and work together to solve them
- Religiously follow the advice of the counsellor or therapist
- Develop self-confidence
Any attempt at reconciliation should be made only if both the partners are willing to continue their married life. If one of them is unwilling to remain married, separation or divorce is the only recourse.
Couples who divorce and reconcile later, are not called man and wife till they remarry.
Separation Agreement
Some couples decide that they can no longer stay together. But at the same time the option of divorce does not seem viable.
A separation agreement is meant for all the couples who:
- Want to divorce at a later date
- Want to stay apart but not divorce for religious reasons
- Cannot divorce immediately due to lack of sufficient legal grounds
The best option for couples faced with such a predicament is a ‘Separation Agreement.’
Separation Agreement is a formal contract signed between a husband and wife. This agreement spells out each other’s rights and duties. Either party should adhere to the terms and conditions agreed upon, for this document is legally enforceable.
A separation agreement includes a list of all the items that have been divided between the husband and wife. Couples pre-decide issues regarding the sharing of property and assets, sharing of debts and custodial rights of children. This division enables them lead their independent lives.
Separation agreements should preferably be written down. The legal aspect of this document necessitates that both the partners consult their attorney before they sign it. Changes in the separation agreement are a difficult possibility.
Fair separation agreements would also ensure uncontested divorces.
When all attempts at reconciliation have failed divorce might seem the only answer to couples.
- Divorce is necessary if either of the spouses is violent. Physical and emotional abuse in a marriage also qualifies for a divorce. Relationships of these sorts should be immediately terminated. Otherwise the safety and security of the non-abusive spouse and child are in threat.
- Many of the relationships show signs of trouble right from the beginning. Couples just ignore these. These signs soon develop into great problems that can only be overcome by divorce.
- Some relationships are endured only for the financial, social and emotional security marriage provides. Such marriages lack the basic ingredient of love. And these marriages will never work. Setting the partner free by divorce could be the best choice, for divorce allows either partner to seek fulfilling relationship elsewhere.
Unhappy people opting for divorce should not be of the opinion that they would be happy after their marriage ends. Making an effort at reconciliation is good at the initial stages of married life. Some couples might try for many years to make their marriage work. But if they are not successful even after repeated trials they should divorce. If divorce is not a possibility the couple can sign a separation agreement.
If a divorce has complications you may need the advice and support of a solicitor.
