According to the Office of National Statistics, 90% of single parents in the UK are mothers, largely divorcees.
The pattern of single motherhood has changed considerably over the past two decades. Unmarried young women with a turbulent past and a nameless child are much rarer now than they were in the 1970s. The average single mom now is a woman in her late thirties, with one or two children, divorced and working. Economically, socially and demographically, single mothers offer a greater variation than single fathers, so they are harder to average. However, there are certain areas that are common points of debate.
Being Surrogate Fathers
Many women strongly feel that a child needs the company of both parents for a balanced upbringing. With the father being absent, the mother tries to play both roles. Poverty among single mothers is a major problem in the
- The ‘super mom’ phenomenon has gained ground much more than ever before. Women are trying to balance a complete career while being a good mother and a perfect home maker. They try to ensure financial security for the child just like the father would have.
- Single mothers are waking up to the importance of financial planning, investing in shares and policies, and dealing in property. Many of them are running successful home businesses. These were all traditionally ‘male’ areas of activity.
- If the father is not present to take the child to the cricket grounds or for the soccer game, the mother is filling in. Many women are actively encouraging their children to participate in sports.
- Women are taking a keen interest in other activities such as driving, share trading, technology and even mechanics, and ensuring their children have a parent to teach how to change a tyre.
Biggest Nightmare or Dream Come True?
If a woman fights tooth and nail for child custody, it does not mean that she is dying to be a single mom. It is the natural instinct of both parents to try to hold on to children when it comes to a divorce. It may also be an ego battle. Besides, the mother may feel that the father would not be a good parent, so she would want the best for the child even if it would mean a lot of financial stress for her. For those who are financially solvent, and have everything planned out in detail, winning the child would be like heaven on earth. However, there are thousands of women bowed under the burden of poverty, living in rented apartments, trying hard to make ends meet and support the children’s education. Single motherhood is a curse for them, but they have no way out of it either. It may be underlined here that fathers in the
The Balancing Act
These are some general tips on being a successful single mom:
- You need to work not just for sustenance, but also to give your career a boost and raise your self confidence.
- If the child is too young to be left alone, try a baby sitter or a child care centre. Leaving the child with a truly caring friend may not be a bad idea either.
- Ensure that you keep track of the studies and sports activities of the child. Help them to develop their interests, but do not over indulge them.
- Some working moms try to ‘make up’ by flooding the child with expensive gifts and toys. This is a bad idea.
- If the child is grown enough, explain the situation. He or she will appreciate your efforts and respect you automatically then.
Boys and Single Mothers
The young of all creatures try to follow their elders. So there is a good chance that a very young boy growing up with only his mother would be more effeminate and feminine than others. On the other hand, this is not at all a general rule, and there are perfectly healthy, active children brought up by single mothers. In fact, the trend of single moms having a son with an exceptionally soft personality is going out of vogue now, as women become more active themselves in so called male spheres, and also more conscious on bringing up children. But it is true that both parents are needed for a balanced up bringing.
