It is a natural human urge to bond together with another individual. Why is this so? It is said that we humans are the only animal species in the world to which God has not given any means of self-defence. Snakes have their venom. Tigers have their claws and jaws. Eagles have their deadly beak. We humans have nothing except a pair of legs that can be used to run away from danger as fast as we can! Even then, most of our predators such as tigers and snakes can easily outpace us if they want.
Due to this, we humans seek safety in numbers and prefer living in large social groups which are called societies. This primeval insecurity is the main reason why we want to enter into a committed relationship with another person. Other reasons for this are our need for emotional support, intimacy and rearing of children. That is why the institution of marriage was invented by ancient humans of every country in the world. The basic urge to bond with another individual and command his loyalty is the reason why marriage has been one of the most successful and enduring relationships ever created.
There are basically two ways to get married in this world – arranged and love marriage. Both have their advantages and disadvantages. There is also the impression everyone has that arranged marriages somehow last longer than love marriages and result in far lesser number of divorces. But is this true? It is an interesting question and there is really no easy answer.
Arranged Marriages
Arranged marriages are usually organised by the parents of the would-be groom and bride. In this, the parents look for a desired match from several available. After much deliberation and cool-headed thought, a match is finally chosen. This kind of marriage is prevalent in the Eastern countries such as
Pros: Arranged marriage has many benefits. There is no room for passion or impulsiveness in these. There are many people involved in taking the decision and everybody’s advice and suggestions are kept in view. In such marriages, the family status of the future partners as well as their educational qualifications and personalities are finely matched. This results in a lot of compatibility and chances of the marriage turning out to be successful drastically improve.
The parents of the future partners are also quite happy as they are going to marry their children at the same status level. The soon-to-be husband and wife are also quite satisfied that their partner has the same kind of educational qualifications, family background and earning potential.
Cons: Arranged marriages have some problems too. The biggest of these is that these marriages are not a result of human passion. The inner feelings of the would-be partners are irrelevant. The decision whom to marry is taken by people who do not have much personal stake in the relationship. Often, the marriage is forced on the unwilling couple by parents. It may lead to a life full of regret and suffocation for the partners.
Love Marriages
Love marriages are the norm in Western countries where the basic unit of society is the individual, not the family. In a love marriage, the decision to get married is taken only by the partners, and no one else. Parents and relatives do not get into the picture at all. These are hot-bloodied marriages where the man and woman meet each other, develop a chemistry, fall for each other and take a decision to become life partners.
Pros: In arranged marriages, partners follow their instinct. They feel a strong attraction toward each other. Nobody imposes the decision on them. They take responsibility for their own actions and do not live with the regret that they entered the relationship under someone else’s pressure. Also, these marriages do not get suffocating for anyone because if a partner is not happy, he or she chooses to walk out. The honour of the entire family is not at stake.
Cons: Love marriages are a result of mutual attraction which often turns out to be mere infatuation later. There is a lot of passion involved in these relationships and it is common for people to plunge headlong into marriage, and live to regret it later. In love marriages, there may be no status compatibility among partners. It is common for a secretary to get married to the boss.
From a divorce point of view, arranged marriages on the face of it look better since the concept of divorce is almost unknown in societies where these are prevalent. On the other hand, Western societies where love marriage is common are reeling under very high divorce rates. However, in arranged-marriage societies, divorce is considered socially unacceptable, which may be a major reason why couples there refuse to split even though living an unhappy life.
