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For all the articles, books, websites and even documentaries discussing how divorce can affect children, surprisingly little has been written about how children can provoke marital breakdown. Considering that stress is more than capable of inciting divorce, and very few things are quite as stressful as parenthood, I have to say that I find this to be surprising. Granted, I can imagine several plausible arguments against preparing such articles. They could come across as insensitive. Maybe people will think that the authors are unfairly criticising children. Some might even posit that these articles encourage parents to dissolve their marriages at the first sign of difficulty. Whilst I can see why such arguments would transpire, however, I can still see a purpose to such an article as, with the right advice and information, parents can significantly reduce the risk of parenthood catalysing a divorce – the first piece of advice that should be disclosed being that children are never actually to blame for divorce. Now, you may be thinking that that completely contradicts the title of this article, but it really doesn’t. Children, after all, are never the ones to decide whether or not their parents will divorce, this a decision which will almost exclusively be made by one or both of their parents. Furthermore, it is the stress that having children brings that causes a divorce, and this stress is rarely attributable to, say, a child’s behaviour. Instead, it is more likely to stem from the internalised pressures to which many parents succumb. Many of us, following us having discovered that we are about to become parents, forget about the difficulties that we’re going to face and, instead, imagine an idealised situation bereft of money worries, disagreements with our co-parent and all of the other strains that come with parenthood. Naturally, the situation is never as good we’d imagined it would be and this leads to disappointment which often manifests itself as either anger or frustration. Our spouses almost invariably suffer the brunt of these negative emotions and, if the situation is not addressed, then matters can soon grow out of control leading to marital dissatisfaction and divorce. As a result – and this applies to all relationships at all times, not just following you having become parents –  the need to recognise when we are displeased with ourselves rather than our spouses is key to maintaining matrimonial happiness. Equally important is the need to learn to compromise. There are certain to be occasions when you and your spouse disagree over matters concerning the children and, when you do, it’s vital that you are able to empathise with your spouse, consider why their opinion differs to yours and then objectively consider what is best for the child before making your final decision. Yes, parenthood is more than capable of producing stress, and stress is more than capable of ending a marriage. Remain aware of the fact that your spouse is not the cause of this stress, however, and it’s much less likely that this will bring about a divorce.