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Following compulsory introductions and me being asked what I do for a living, regardless of the social event in question, this comment nearly always ensues: “hmmm… funny you should say that, I’ve been having some problems in my relationship recently.” I’ve come to accept this, though. In the same way that teachers will be grilled on the best techniques to help a child read, mechanics will be questioned about squeaky brakes and doctors quizzed on ‘that rash’, I often fill the role of unofficial marriage counsellor at parties.

Most of these conversations are fairly innocuous – the aforementioned comment finding itself consumed by more inane small talk – but, on one or two occasions, I’ve found myself talking to people with significant marital problems; harrowing conversations have ensued and the inevitable question of “do you think we should separate/divorce?” has reared its rather unpleasant head.

Answering this question is no easy task. It may seem logical to ask whether or not that person is happy in their marriage, but whilst this is a good place to start, there are many more questions that need to be asked before you can tell someone that they should really be consider separating and/or divorcing their partner.

Firstly, any aggrieved spouse needs to ask whether or not their partner is aware of why they are dissatisfied or even whether they are even aware of the fact that they are unhappy at all. Generally speaking, if one partner is unhappy in their marriage, then the other will be aware of it. If the couple have been married for a long time, however, then one half of the marriage can slip into a ‘comfort zone’ and become less receptive than usual. This,in itself, is not a valid reason to pursue divorce and you should talk to your partner before taking any further action. Take time to consider why you’re unhappy and what could be done to improve the situation and then communicate this to your partner. If they’re completely unwilling to consider compromise or even listen to what you have to say, then it may be time to call time on your marriage and file for divorce. If, on the other hand, things don’t resolve themselves immediately, give them time.

If the same problems still exist after a while, then you need to ask yourself some further questions. Are you and your spouse frequently arguing for trivial reasons? Do you still, or have you ever, shared common goals and values? Are you still able to compromise? These are just a few of the things that you will need to ask yourself before establishing whether or not you want to divorce your partner.

Ultimately, if you decide that you will be unable to fix the problems that are plaguing your marriage, then, however painful it may be, you should proceed with divorcing your spouse. This will not be an easy task, but if you have concluded that you will be happier alone, then it is also almost certainly one that is worth taking.