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Any discussion concerning divorce invariably leads to a discussion concerning its effect on children – and rightfully so.

When a couple decide to divorce, the need to create suitable arrangements for any children they may have should be their paramount concern, something of which the vast majority of separating parents are fully aware. In spite of the fact that parents often do their utmost to ensure that children of divorce are cared for and have their emotional needs met, though, many people still believe that divorce will inevitably cause significant damage to any child that may be affected by it – an assessment which, in my opinion, is short-sighted and inaccurate.

I, myself am a child of divorce and whilst I cannot state with absolute confidence that my parent’s decision to separate has had no effect on me, I am confident in stating that any influence it may have had was negligible. My particular situation was atypical, though. My parents’ divorce was finalised when I was very young and I have no memory of us living together as a family.

I do, however, recall a time when just my mother and I shared a modest home in one of south Wales’ many suburbs and whilst some of the negative consequences of my parents’ separation may have left me with the odd unhappy memory, they are few and far between. In particular, I remember wishing that I saw more of my mother. She had been employed as a nurse prior to her divorce and remained so as a single mother in spite of the fact that it was a role that saw her regularly work long and unsociable hours. I was still adequately cared for during this period of my life, however, my mother ensured that we spent time together whenever possible and my maternal grandparents – not my father – played an active role in my upbringing.

My father, unfortunately, became estranged following the divorce. But this had little effect on me as a result of my step-father becoming a regular fixture in my life by the time I was five. I am happy to say that I have never felt as though he viewed me any differently than he did his own children, my half-sisters who were born when I was 8 and 10 respectively.

Many other children of divorce will not be as fortunate, of course, but I believe that the relevance of this post lies in the fact that my parent’s divorce has not had a significant effect on me regardless of me gradually losing contact with my biological father and my mother’s enforced absences during my formative years.

In short, whilst my parent’s divorce could have had a significant and adverse effect on me, it did not because of the support my mother was afforded by her extended family and new partner. Divorce can have a negative effect on children, yes, but, irrespective of the circumstances, it does not have to.