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‘Mend it, don’t End it’: Why Merely Discouraging Divorce is not the Answer

It has been reported this morning that senior High Court judge Sir Paul Coleridge is to head a campaign designed to promote the institution of marriage and discourage couples from separating or filing for divorce. Coleridge – who once infamously claimed that it is easier for a couple to divorce than it is for an individual to obtain a driving license – has argued that children born to married parents enjoy benefits that are not afforded to those born to cohabiting couples, adding that divorce and separation ‘condemns children to unstable homes’. Read between the lines and Coleridge’s message is clear: divorce harms children and parents should avoid it at all costs. On the face of things, this is a reasonable assessment. When it is subjected to gentle analysis, however, it soon becomes clear that it is a simplistic and unsophisticated conclusion. This is not to suggest that all of Coleridge’s contentions are lacking in persuasive force. It is certainly unacceptable that as many as 3.8m children are currently caught in the midst of legal proceedings concerning custody, as is the fact that a worryingly large percentage of children lose contact with non-resident parents following a separation or divorce. Encouraging unhappy parents to remain unhappily married may well have a positive effect on these figures, but at what cost? Growing up in an unhappy household is not in the best interest of any child and research has proven that it is the way that parents behave following a divorce or separation that has the most significant effect on children. The break-up itself has negligible effects whilst witnessing arguments and one parent deriding the other had a significant effect upon the child’s confidence and sense of security. Any child who shares a home with unhappy parents is certain to see such disputes on a regular basis and, as a result, it is only logical to conclude that they too will suffer from diminished confidence and no sense of security. Parents whose relationships are salvageable should be encouraged to stay together of course, but if their attempts at reconciliation are unsuccessful, then there is little sense in discouraging them from divorcing one another. A campaign designed to encourage parents to create and maintain suitable contact arrangements following a divorce or separation would be far more pertinent.

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